Draw a long inhalation in. Relax. It will be all right.
You can become more tolerant by engaging with your feelings and rethinking what you’re going through.
In difficult circumstances, patience isn’t always simple to summon. Some of us are more likely to clench our arms, yell and storm off, or give up completely, whereas some of us are by nature more tolerant. Even the most patient among us are capable of losing it when the circumstances are right. However, specialists assert that it is entirely feasible to develop a patient disposition.
In a nutshell, patience is the ability to stay calm in the face of adversity, waiting, frustration, or suffering, says Sarah Schnitker, PhD, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor University in Waco, Texas, who studies patience, along with other character strengths like gratitude, forgiveness, and generosity. Furthermore, patient training is worthwhile, as demonstrated by Dr. Schnitker’s extensive study. According to her research, those who are patient often have greater life satisfaction, self-esteem, and a feeling of self-control that helps them achieve their objectives in life. Her other research indicates that those who are patient are less likely to experience signs of melancholy and loneliness, as well as less frequent migraines, breakouts of acne, ulcers, and diarrhea.
However, it requires effort to tap into your gentler side. “There is no quick or simple method to learn patience. It’s a lifelong endeavor. To develop patience, it requires a lot of wait, according to Schnitker. Here are seven essential suggestions to help you control your restlessness the next time you feel like you’re about to snap.
1. Tap Into Your Emotions (and Accept Discomfort)
Do some introspective work as a start when you’re coping with a frustrating circumstance, advises Schnitker. Consider your feelings, what’s triggering you, and even your energy levels when you sense yourself beginning to get frustrated. You might realize that you’re “hangry,” furious at your supervisor for something they said recently, or that you didn’t get enough sleep the night before. Recognize the cause of what or who is bothering you, and then determine what matters most. Are you letting your job worry show to your family at dinnertime? Are you angry because you don’t have as much time as you’d like to interact this week or are you upset because of a doctor’s visit that’s coming up?
2. Reframe the Experience
Try using the cognitive reappraisal method, advises Kate Sweeny, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, where she specializes in the psychology of waiting and doubt. Reframe your daily commute home from work as a chance to listen to your beloved podcast while you’re in gridlock if you loathe it. And if your neighbor continues coming to you with last-minute requests, think back to times when you’ve asked friends, family, or colleagues for assistance. According to Schnitker, cognitive reflection and appreciation practice go hand in hand. Make it a habit to write down three items each day, no matter how minor, for which you are grateful. Being thankful for what you have, according to a research in the journal Emotion, can help you be less impatient.
3. Look at the Big Picture
According to Schnitker, staying focused on your greater purpose or objectives can also make it easier for you to handle stressful situations. A goal that is connected to a cause that is important to you, such as saving money for a family home or reaching a professional goal, may make the challenging parts of your job feel more worthwhile and lead you to wonder why you don’t just choose work that is simpler.
Schnitker examined nearly 400 Americans between the ages of 12 and 22 who were preparing for charitable marathons in Chicago and Los Angeles for her study, which was published in 2020 in the Journal of Personality. Those who joined up for the marathon to increase their fitness were less committed to their regular training practices than those who did so to collect money to supply clean water to schools in Africa. Even when you’re not angry, consider your mission so that you can always remember it, advises Schnitker.
4. Plan Ahead for Stressful Situations
Another strategy for keeping impatience at bay is to future-proof your day so you aren’t caught in an aggravating situation, says Debra R. Comer, PhD, the Mel Weitz distinguished professor in business at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York, where she studies organizational socialization and virtuous behaviors.
Avoid scheduling back-to-back appointments that will prevent you from taking breaks, like meals or a break to use the restroom. Be prepared for circumstances that might annoy you by anticipating them. Bring your beloved books and periodicals with you if you know you’ll be waiting in a hospital or doctor’s office so you can pass the time with a pastime. According to Dr. Comer, if you are prepared, you won’t experience the stress of being hurried or the annoyance of squandering time.
That entails having enough sleep each night, consuming a healthy diet, and fitting exercise into your schedule. We’re all people, after all, and being sleep exhausted and hungry makes everyone a little more tense. Pay attention to your bodily health and control your stress levels if you have a busy day or goals to make at work. This will help you avoid situations that will try your tolerance.
5. Practice Your Coping Strategies
From meditating to box breathing to going for a run, familiarize yourself with coping strategies to figure out which work best for you when you’re growing impatient, according to M.J. Ryan, an executive coach and the author of The Power of Patience: How This Old-Fashioned Virtue Can Improve Your Life.
Work on a variety of coping mechanisms that will both help you deal with stress when it arises and help you teach your brain to be less reactive to stresses when they do. “The age-old recommendation to count to ten before speaking in a tense circumstance actually works. It gives you an opportunity to reflect on what is most important to you, such as getting angry or coming up with a workable answer, says Ryan.
From meditating to box breathing to going for a run, familiarize yourself with coping strategies to figure out which work best for you when you’re growing impatient, according to M.J. Ryan, an executive coach and the author of The Power of Patience: How This Old-Fashioned Virtue Can Improve Your Life. Work on a variety of coping mechanisms that will both help you deal with stress when it arises and help you teach your brain to be less reactive to stresses when they do. “The age-old recommendation to count to ten before speaking in a tense circumstance actually works. It gives you an opportunity to reflect on what is most important to you, such as getting angry or coming up with a workable answer, says Ryan.
Numerous studies indicate that meditation is incredibly effective at calming down strong emotions like dread, tension, and anger.
6. Track Your Progress
The key to establishing effective goals is to be precise, so choose the areas of your life that require more patience and monitor your progress, advises Ryan. She suggests that you might decide to practice being more gentle with your children and your spouse. Keep a basic count of each time you lose tolerance and each time you effectively apply the strategies above to gauge your progress. At the conclusion of the week, count the number of ticks in each column.
The key to establishing effective goals is to be precise, so choose the areas of your life that require more patience and monitor your progress, advises Ryan. She suggests that you might decide to practice being more gentle with your children and your spouse. Keep a basic count of each time you lose tolerance and each time you effectively apply the strategies above to gauge your progress. At the conclusion of the week, count the number of ticks in each column.
7. Start Small and Stay Committed
With these tactics at your disposal, Dr. Sweeny advises beginning with simple victories when dealing with patient. That might entail rewarding yourself with a high-five when you wait in the grocery store line for ten minutes without getting upset or by taking a stroll rather than sending a passive-aggressive email.
Don’t attempt it for the first time during a heated argument with your companion, advises Sweeny. Also, don’t anticipate a change in behavior immediately. Schnitker claims that some people may experience change in as little as four weeks, but it will be a gradual change that varies from person to person.
